So last night was good, or what I can remember of it anyway. I had no costume so I just wore a tweed suit and daubed syrupy red food dye all over one side of my head. When Tosc came over (dressed as Alex DeLarge with false eyelashes and everything) this conversation took place:
Toscar: What the fuck are you meant to be?
Me: (thinking on my feet) I’m the ghost of a wealthy Englishman who was shot to death by his son during a squabble.
Toscar: Congratulations, you’ve successfully turned Halloween into your own Freudian wish fullfilment fantasy. Wonder if your dad’s gone to his party dressed as a murdered you?
(It really irritates him that I write down his witticisms but this was a really good one.)
Anyway. Stuff that happened last night:
- Accidentally insulted Medusa’s shoes.
- Purposefully irritated someone who votes Lib Dem.
- Desecrated a Silly String spider’s lair.
- Stood by and nodded whilst Toscar bullshitted a strange girl that he was an up and coming conceptual artist.
- Knocked over a potted rose.
- Snorted whisky out of my nose during a laugh, which made me laugh even more and snort out more whisky, until I became a neverending whisky-snorting loop of awfulness.
- Almost cried when food dye stained my suit.
- Drank more to forget the stain.
- Very nearly threw up.
- Made finger puppets out of condoms.
- Sang ‘Beat It’ with a taxi driver.
- Had sex with Alex DeLarge.
- Actually threw up.
- Ruined a perfectly good pillow with food dye.
- Woke up and remembered I’d stained my suit.
- Mistook false eyelashes for massive spider.
- Felt ill.
So there ya go. Happy Halloween, etc.