I caved in and took some risperdal and valium – feeling a bit more relaxed and sleepy. I had a laughing fit earlier when I caught sight of my reflection – I look like a panda. My mind’s getting quieter though. I’ve drawn all the curtains and piled my bed with cushions and blankets so it’s sort of like a big cosy womb. I’m going to curl up in this womb with the cat and a really boring episode of Time Team. If sleep doesn’t come now – I’m fucked.