Okay, flagging a bit. I went to the cafe and began to write a really long poem that ended up depressing the fuck out of me, so I stopped writing it and  instead I thought about how cool it would be if gravity disappeared and the sea flew up to space in a sort of wobbly mass with fish and whales stuck inside it like fruit inside a jelly. Would that actually happen? Scientists – please send the answer on a postcard, I need to know instantly.

On an unrelated note, I really, really need to clean my flat. I suppose I could stand in front of the mirror and say ‘Mary Poppins’ three times (that’s the way to summon her, right?) or I could just get off my lazy arse and do it myself. I’m going to list the things that are on my sofa just to give you a general idea of the carnage: thirty-odd packets of medicine, two overflowing ashtrays, a packet of foam shrimps, a hot water bottle shaped like a smiling dog, one depressed sock, random envelopes for which I have no use, a pair of scissors, a novelty pencil, a can of deodorant, a book about Buddhism, a notepad, an orgy of pens, one half of a Russian doll and a broken clock that I put there about a week ago to remind me to buy batteries. And that’s on my sofa. To be fair, it’s a rather big sofa, but that’s not the point. “Things need to change, boy” as my father used to say to me (and I used to think ‘yeah – your fucking attitude’.)

The problem with me is that I’m inherently scatterbrained. I just don’t see mess until it starts to a)grow life or b) stink of death. The kitchen really is horrific. There could be an army of squirrels planning an assault living in the back of my kitchen cupboards for all I know. The only way I’d notice is if one of them struck me with the wok. Also, the mouse issue is getting a little out of hand.

This is not an ideal way to live, I’ve got enough problems without clutter related mishaps or rodent bites or e.coli or squirrel attacks, or all of those four things happening at once. I must think carefully about this problem. I suppose I’ll have to make a fucking list at some point.

Anyway. Here’s a nice thing that made me smile today.



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