lowly

Aw man, something’s going a bit wrong. I keep crying for no reason – never a good sign eh. I’m at that stage where I can secretly pretend that I’m absolutely fine and yet find myself with tears in my eyes at very inappropriate moments. My depression always comes out of the blue, being manic depressive and all that jazz, but it nearly always starts in September when the wind begins to change. Intrusive thoughts have appeared from thin air. Coming off my anti psychs is going to be such an adventure! Fuck de la.

Sighs of Depression, Arthur style:

  1. Secret Crying
  2. Public Crying (especially whilst watching TV shows about ill animals and/or tearful X Factor auditions)
  3. Ceaseless woolly hat wearing
  4. The Smiths
  5. Clingy hopelessness
  6. Interest in cake
  7. Cake apathy
  8. Worrying all night about the cat not being microchipped
  9. Writing letters to people who are dead
  10. Soap avoidance
  11. Flat becomes bunker
  12. Half-arsed self harm
  13. Full-arsed self harm
  14. Become suddenly Catholic
  15. Become suddenly Godless
  16. Emily Dickinson fetish
  17. Flat becomes superbunker
  18. Duvet attached to skin
  19. Beard
  20. Cake Hatred
  21. Tearful masturbation
  22. Annoyance
  23. Shouting at Kitchen appliances
  24. Fear of Christmas
  25. Death wish
  26. Dare myself to not drink any water until I am dead
  27. Suicide attempt
  28. Hospital/death

So, stage one here we go. (Must avoid the X Factor).

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10 thoughts on “lowly

  1. I don’t want to say “don’t cry darling”, because that is a bloody annoying thing to hear. I know what you mean with that list, when I’m inclining that was I know some of those boxes get ticked, just change the Smiths to Damien Rice, and the cat microchip to worrying about my student loan. Hell’s bells and a bottle of rum, hang in there and keep writing. We humans aren’t meant to be happy and bouncy all the time, being down is just as important, and sounds like you’ve had a lot on your plate – far more than your share (cake?) for quite a while, so yeah, I don’t know. All hands on deck I suppose – take care of yourself and/or ask other people to help you so so. xx

  2. Ha- hearing things like ‘don’t cry darling’ just makes me cry more – I’m terrible with people being too kind, it makes me dissolve. I’ll be alright – I’ve got a lot of people here to help, it’s just a bit…disappointing that’s all, and so grimly predictable…
    Sorry to hear you’ve been there too (really sorry in fact)
    Thanks for the message, it’s the little things! xx
    xxxxxxxxxx

    • Well, that is why I didn’t say it, so no dissolving!
      Oh yeah, for me that was a long while ago, I’m just more in tune with the warning signs now (like you I suppose – veterans!) so know when to ask for some help. x

  3. I didn’t mean to say ‘too kind’ there’s no such thing as ‘too kind’ xxx

  4. Yeah – stage 5, clingy hopelessness, that’s about the time I start asking for help. “I’m dying – be kind to me – don’t go, don’t go into the kitchen – don’t go!” Awww man… I wish I was an expert at something else! x

  5. It’s September..it’s fucking September, miserable anxious monstrosity of a month. Xxx

  6. P.s Along with weird malevolence towards the ninth month, I’m currently indulging in stages 1, 5, 21, 22 and 24. 21 In particular is starting to seriously piss me off.

  7. Aw Amanda – I feel that we should both hibernate together for Daddy Season next year…! We can mope and cuddle (and try not to masturbate tearfully) Hope you feel better soon dearheart x

    • Thank you and (( cuddles )). Wishing you many betters and giggly masturbation instead! I might try and write a poem about giggly masturbation now. 😉 xxx

  8. It must be done, and it must be done instantly. xxx

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