Recurring dream 1: Drowning


They say it’s nice to drown,
peaceful to drown,
swallow your tongue,
shut yourself up like a pearl in a clam,
let it rush into every hole in your face  –

I plough like a cosmonaut losing memories
Surrounded by diaphanous tremblings,
Surfacing every three moons or so
To set my eyes on the prize of a particular liner,
To swipe wetly upwards
At the sky and her yellow jewellery.

I’m not surprised by the cold,
I welcome the white frail blaze of it –
Let me break the surface with a
Frothy lace collar
and then
Rain on me,
Pelt me,
‘Til we all become one another,
And I will feel it like a tremulous applause of tiny fists,
Knocking on the sand ten miles away.
I am shivering between shoals,
Joyfully sailing with silver starlings,
(How have I come to it so late –
This joy of flying?)

The water is at times a tortured mask
That I wear like a shifting grey veil,
I wrap my thighs around it’s efforts,
And we churn our legs like a billion dying insects.
(The green will reach out and mouth you,
But the splinters will not stick.)

Frigid grey,
Dark wholesome,
Bible black,
My lips part for the waves blowing back –
And my body has no blood,
No organs,
Hollow but for the colours of the gloom.

I am a drifting column,
An angel of sand
knobbled stars suck at my head –

(So this is it –

This is what it is to be dead.)

I will meet you here
in this fantasy of glass,
We won’t even speak,
And we never needed words anyhow,
We will just elegantly teeter on the very edge of dreams –
Floating together loose and unsinkable
Like two formless sheets of hooked reflections
That drape and move and are never lost.
And I could cry now just thinking of it,
I’m crying now just thinking of it,
I want us to live in a miracle,
Two spectres between the spectrum of the layers –

I can’t be up there anymore,
I can’t be part of the sculptures….

and neither can you.

Am I any closer?
How many leagues?
How many times do I have to visit?
How much closer can I get?

And when I wake up saved,
Will I wear this dream upon me…?

Will I stick to my blue sheets?

Will my hair be wet?


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