lack of fairy cakes/phone sex

So Julia didn’t come over afterall, she has a runny nose and didn’t want to pass anything onto me – which means that as well as all the other things that have been thwarted by my illness, I am now bereft of fairy cakes too. God damn it. I bought icing sugar and everything.

Toscar and I attempted to have phone sex half hour ago. Because I’m a dreamy creative type, phone sex is one of my favourite things to do – letting my imagination run riot and all that m’larcky. Toscar’s attitude is that there’s no point ‘if you can’t fucking see anything’, and when I suggested Skype, he replied ‘Why? I may as well just watch porn.’

Toscar and I have tried to  have phone sex three times, each time ending in frustration and disillusionment. Tonight was no exception.

Toscar: (reluctantly) What are you wearing then?

Me: Nothing.

Toscar: (angry) You’re a fucking liar.

Me: Jesus, Tosc- it’s about using your imagination!

Toscar: You’re not naked, though. I can hear your clothes.

Me: Wha…? Fine. I’m wearing my Yeah Yeah Yeah’s t-shirt and my long-johns. Happy now?

Toscar: Which long-johns? The one’s with the hole?

Me: Yep.

Toscar: Have you got a hard-on?

Me: (sighing) Not anymore Tosc. Not anymore.

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One thought on “lack of fairy cakes/phone sex

  1. What's In A Name

    Hehehe. Such a laugh for the beginning of the day. Thanks for sharing!

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