July

My silence spoke volumes,

That’s what they said.

But if you ever paid attention…

I wasn’t fucking silent.

I was talking, louder and louder,

Trying to make you listen.

What you saw wasn’t silence –

But absence,

And you confused the two.

Back drinking lager out of a

Too-big cup…

Y’know,

I was listened to!

Where’s Dee?

Because God knows I need him.

This grand cosmic metaphor is

Too much for someone

As small and stupid as me.

I know a lot,

But you’d never know it.

I’m blistering

Like a lung in fall-out,

I’m white,

I’m so white,

I’m hot,

I’m so fucking hot…

…have you ever put your hand

over a hose-pipe

at full blast?

Did you ever try to not get your

Stupid fucking hands wet?

I read books like I mean it,

And I come up with words

Round my mouth

And on my face

And on my hands

Like cake

And I’ll swallow you all and I

Know you all,

And I’m the king of you all

And I’m screaming for you,

I’m screaming for all of you,

You’re all so beautiful and terrible and you’re

Making me fucking scream…

….so loud! Coming from a thin boy in

a garden that may not even be,

so green that it’s almost black,

and so black that the grass eats the trees.

I burst the blood vessels in my eyes,

And when you remember madness

You’ll remember this.

Not the silence

But the screams, and the blood red

Holes in the middle of my

Spoiled,

Spoiled face,

Like a head kicked in,

Like caves of red puppets,

Like a horror movie that

You once saw,

But can’t quite place.

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