Just about to wipe some texts and thought I’d copy a few out that made me laugh.
Tosc: What you up to?
Me: Watching Gone With The Wind and drinking whisky x
Tosc: Slavery and booze. Just another normal day for your sort.
(Tosc is out for a Christmas meal with people from work)
Tosc: Crackers, hats, jokes. Kill me again and again. It’s like a bad Alan Bennett play.
Me: Just keep smiling and think of England. x
Tosc: That’s what I do when I’m being gang raped. This is so much worse.
Me: So did you buy the speakers?
Tosc: Nah, I think they’re hot.
Me: Hot? Like – stolen? x
Tosc: No, actually boiling hot. Course I mean stolen.
Me: Would you still love me if I had a tube hanging out of my abdomen?
Tosc: And you’ll probably give it a pet name like ‘wiggly’ or ‘tubey’ and it’d piss me right off.
Tosc: I found a walking stick in a skip. You want it?
Tosc: Would you go to prison for murdering a shitnosed teenager? Cos he hasn’t got much of a future. So…
Me: Wrote a poem about you showering before bed. x
Tosc: Must be a boring poem.
Tosc: What? I don’t get why that’d be interesting.
(Tosc sent me a christmas card and wrote a rather sentimental message inside.)
Me: Love the card. x
Tosc: It was a toss up between writing some meaningful shit or sticking a tenner inside.
Me: Glad you went with the meaningful shit! x
Tosc: Yeah I thought a tenner would just insult you.